We Father Our Own Misery

Why and how we create our own problems in dating and life

Hi there,

Around 25 years ago, the manosphere came to life through PUA forums. Unlike today’s hydraesque monstrosity with many (often conflicting) factions, it’s purpose and reason for being in those days was very simple:

Because of feminism and modern technology, dating has become skewed. Fewer men are getting more women with increasing amounts of men unable to get dates. The only solution to this as a man is to learn how to become one of those desired men who have their choice of women.

This was an exclusively male space. Women had no need for such things as it was a golden age for them. On one hand there were plenty of guys to have fun with, on the other hand there were plenty of men who wanted serious relationships. The whole alpha fucks, beta bucks adage held truth to it in those days.

The manosphere turned into the red pill which then turned into a bunch of bitter men who mostly checked out of dating. Most men these days don’t even know how, where or why the whole manosphere even started. Nor do they need to know.

And then I came across the following tweet:

I won’t lie, my first response was: Well, well, well, have the chickens come home to roost… Up to a few years ago, women mocked everything that had anything to do with the manosphere. Now they’re crying about the thing the manosphere was warning them about for years.

But the schadenfreude didn’t last long and I got to wondering. What happened in the past 25 years that led to women crying about ‘golden penis syndrome’? And the more I thought about it, the more I realize there is to unpack. So let’s dive into golden penis syndrome, what caused it and how to fix this whole situation.

What changed?

So what changed this past 25 years for women? I can think of three main reasons.

1) Men today grew up with manosphere ideas.
25 years ago, men’s mental model was outdated. Where women were embracing sex and the city life, most men still had romantic notions. The early manosphere was revolutionary in the fact that they were amongst the first men to recognize that romantic ideals were quickly becoming unfeasable to obtain.

If you watch movies from the 90’s, you’ll understand what I mean. A lot of men back then believed that the right woman would hold out for them. That she was out there somewhere being chaste until she met the right man.

This idea, which the manosphere dubbed ‘the blue pill’ has mostly been destroyed the past 25 years. Boys these days grow up watching girls show it all on instagram and onlyfans. Combine that with them seeing guys like Tate railing against hoes on tiktok, and you can see why very few men these days hold the same romantic notions that were common up to 15ish years ago (it’s really almost unbelievable to anyone who hasn’t witnessed the rapid change to believe such a thing could happen in such a short period of time).

2) Women have gotten more brazen.
25 years ago, women were more discreet with their dalliances. The average girl was smart enough to be hush hush about the naughty things she had done in college. Most girls knew that discretion was their best friend because men would judge them for their open sexuality.

Young women these days are no longer discrete. They grew up on the idea that nobody should be allowed to judge them and that it is their Godgiven right to have as much sex with as many men as they want.

25 years ago a man could easily keep up his romantic notions because women would do their best to publicly adhere to them. There was a real difference between what women did in the bedroom and how they behaved on the streets.

These days (also thanks to social media), women will publicly talk about how much men they’ve slept with and brag about how they’re in their hoe phase or something.

3) A large portion of men has checked out.
As a consequence of the first two points, a lot of young men have checked out. Young men today are not the same they were 25 years ago. They no longer hold any romantic notions. They have playstation 5’s, unlimited access to porn and a whole host of other quick dopamine fixes at their disposal.

They live in a reality where they don’t believe they’ll ever have a sweet, chaste girlfriend. They don’t see the need to put in effort to get with girls. Especially not since there are so many distractions for them. Why strike out with a bunch of ‘roasties’ when you can stay home and play COD instead?